Life as of Late

I stole Denya's Jedi costume at U-Con this past weekend ^.^

Good evening, friends. Once again, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten up the energy to post to my blog. Unfortunately, not much has been going on lately that’s worth blogging about. I recently wen to U-Con at UCONN, which was a teeny, tiny anime convention held up in the snow belt of Connecticut. However, since I’m supposed to be writing about this convention for the upcoming issue of Senpai Magazine, I’ll do us all a favor and spare you the redundancy. The convention was fun, and I enjoyed seeing people and having crazy adventures. But looking back on it, it really wasn’t anything to write home about. Not that I regret going. But I won’t get a chance to really say how teeny tiny it was in the upcoming issue (since that probably would be construed as bad taste and the fact that I glued myself to a table for much of the time I was there). So anyway, that’s the truth.

Home life is nothing too extravagant, either. They say that the grass always looks greener on the other side. Well, I didn’t much care for Connecticut’s grass (or the state itself, for that matter). But at least it had grass. And at least it had people. I must confess (which is entirely my fault), I do feel like a bit of a prisoner here. It’s not that I can’t leave. It’s not that I can’t go places and do things. It’s just that I… don’t. My days are spent puttering around a library now, and then I come home, listen to my family argue, and then hole myself up in my breadbox of a room, waiting for sleep. So, I guess that any grass would look green, compared to that.

I think that it also means that I’m getting a slight case of cabin fever. I’ve never liked the cold. I can’t stand leaving work after the sun goes down. Life, at the moment, just feels like one long, dark, drearily endless day. But soon, I know the sun will return. And with it, maybe even a little bit of my energy, which is being spent too often, as of late, on worrying about my state of existence: Money issues, family issues, job issues, relationship issues. When the sun returns, and maybe when I finally get the chance to have a bit of time to myself, I really look forward to taking Little Ari outside to see the world. She, too, is beginning to look a bit cooped up. She really came alive this past weekend; getting to watch the world go by at the table at U-Con. So I’d really love to be able to take her outside and let her get some fresh air. And if I can get her to smile, maybe I’ll be able to generate a little smile of my own, too.

Other than worrying about issues in my life, as well as the constant pressure of cabin fever, I’m also under constant worry over the state of the magazine. I know that Griswold wants it to be a success, and I’d really like to see it succeed, too… at least for his sake. But rather than coming home at the end of the day and being able to just read a book for fun or sit back and relax for a little while, I feel like I’m scrambling to do homework; working on articles, editing articles, listening to “the plan”. I really look forward to the Spring issue being out and done with, so that, maybe, I can breathe for two seconds or, heaven forbid, work on a project close to my heart.

At the moment, my room seems to be in a state of disarray. It’s a lot better than it used to be, if you’ll refer to pictures I posted up towards the end of the summer. It’s cozy, but I think I’ll feel better when I can see my two desks again. I need to get my supplies put away, and I really need to get my sewing machine serviced, since it hasn’t been cleaned since November and it constantly reminds me of that fact. Of course, if I had the money and could choose an alternative, it might be nice to just purchase a new machine. I’d love to get one that could do some fancy stitchwork. But alas, ’tis only a dream.

What else is a dream? Well, I’d really like to sew my new cloak. I want to redo my paladin armor. I want to finish up Little Ari’s outfits, which are only half done. And I’d love to begin work on my cosplay for ConnectiCon. I want to find a new job. Not that I don’t like my job now. But I need one that pays more. I want to not have to worry for a little while: About money, about student loans, about running out of time to do things. And I want to go back to the people and the person I care about. Home life is nice, for not having to worry about where you’re getting your next meal. But when it feels like a cage and you begin to feel like a burden to others, maybe it’s just time to move on…

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3 Responses to Life as of Late

  1. Avoree says:

    I agree with Denya. It’s a long road, Ari. I walked in your shoes 3 years ago or so. It took me till this year to really get established. I took a gamble, I applied for jobs where my boyfriend/friends were. I even failed after that. Things will work out and I have faith in your. You are smart, talented and dedicated. I myself need to get a working sewing machine. Mine kinda bit the dust. Maybe when my tax returns come in. If you need me, call me. I’m here for you, little sister.

  2. Heather says:

    I feel your pain about going to work and coming home and not doing much. Also, same thing about coming home in the dark. I want spring to come! The kindercare center has piles of snow next to their windows from cleaning off the roof. I’m so tired of snow and ice and darkness. 😦

    I hope everything starts to look up more when there’s more sun. I miss you too! I know we don’t talk as much as we used to, but I am here if you want an ear.

  3. Yay U-Con! Anyways I feel that after the magazine craziness of the next two weeks is over(and our little layout person is hard at work) concentrating on figuring out what you really want to do career wise, atleast for the next 5-10 years(I don’t plan on being a Social Worker forever, just for now) is your next step. This may take you days, weeks, months even but I think once you’ve decided on a goal from there you can figure out how your going to achieve it(whether it be using the degree you have, going back to get your teaching credential or going to a tech school so you can sew for Broadway) and how in doing that you can be with the people you want to be around(applying for jobs in CT as opposed to LI (so if you eventually get one paying 30-40,000 you can move closer to it), going to a tech school(with dorm) in CT or NY, etc.).

    But no matter what, a plan must be devised, even if it is a 5 year plan, without direction you will continue to feel lost and increasing alone and we don’t want a sad Ari:-(

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