So, it’s been a while since I ranted about anything. Actually, it’s been a while since I’ve actually sat down to write a post, period. So, here is my observation for today:
A few days ago, my sister (who is away at college up at UCONN) received a catalog in the mail from buycostumes.com, which, due to the time of year, is now featuring Halloween costumes. Of course, I had to flip through it as soon as I saw it on the table. And, I was inevitably disappointed. Nothing had changed.
It never fails. Year after year, the children’s costumes keep getting “older” and the adult costumes keep getting… um… “sluttier and smuttier?” Of course, baby costumes will always be adorable–what with their little furry flower and monkey suits. Even the little devil costume is adorable, complete with wee pitchfork. But then, children’s costumes are slowly becoming more morbid/show more skin. And adult costumes just lack all taste whatsoever.
It’s not like I’m against children wanting to dress up as their favorite monster. But sometimes, I think that it it goes too far. And while it saddens me that schools across the country are slowly phasing Halloween out of their halls, I think I can understand why they are doing it. Who wants to see a 7-year-old girl running around the halls of her school dressed up in a skin-tight Neytiri (from Avatar) costume? Or allow their daughter to leave the house in a female Spongebob costume, complete with brown miniskirt to replace the shorts? And let’s not forget all of the morbid zombie/vampire/mummy/dead “thing” costumes you can have your son or daughter wear, complete with so much caked-on fake blood that you’ll have to soak them for a week to get it off.
I guess what also bothers me about children’s costumes is that they lack originality. Inevitably, the best costumes follow the popular movies and television shows of the time. They’re licensed and cost a fortune for a cheaply made suit and plastic mask which covers half the head and cracks halfway through the night. Forget about a kid masquerading as something simple–a cowboy? a fairy? a cat? a bedsheet ghost? No, if they don’t have this year’s HOT costume, they’re well out of luck and will be laughed off of their friends’ trick-or-treat team.
Teen costumes? Again, I think it’s a good thing that schools are phasing Halloween out due to this reason as well. Teen costumes are essentially the sexy costumes that costume stores think that adults want to wear, scaled down. It’s difficult to find a teen girl costume which doesn’t include a skirt which barely qualifies as “mini”. Teen boy costumes, on the other hand, are nigh on impossible to find (apparently teen boys don’t really want to wear a costume?). And again, anything you do find will be overpriced and cheaply made.
Now, the real kickers are the “adult costumes.” Specifically, the women’s adult costumes. Because apparently, all women can fit into a size 6 and want to show off their legs in late fall weather while flaunting their… *ahem*. Actually, can these even be called costumes? I think the term “bedroom attire” is more appropriate. Or perhaps “childhood gone wrong.” Seriously. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the sexy Sesame Street monsters. Or green Crayola crayon. And I think that’s what ruins Halloween for adults, too. The catalog I was looking at was more than half “adult” costumes. And most of them were hyper-sexualized to ridiculous extremes. Or, if you’re a trick-or-treat-with-your-kids type of parent, you need to settle for something silly and nonsensical (like a fried egg costume). Oh, and heaven forbid you’re a plus size. You only have two pages of catalog devoted to you (where you can either be a Disney princess or Cleopatra). And then, it’s right back into the 0-8 size costumes, complete with a set of four “sexy ninja turtle women.”
And adult costumes, again: Overpriced and cheaply made. Mostly, I think that you pay for the brand and character license. For example, there’s a sexy adult Neytiri costume that retails for almost $50. Come on. It’s a thin, spandex bodysuit (you can even see the model’s undermentionables) and loincloth. Is that really worth so much money? Meanwhile, You can get a slice of pizza costume (made from what looks like foam, and so it probably took longer to construct) for much less. Though, who would want to be a slice of pizza for Halloween when you could be a sexy Na’vi: complete with a pair of stilettos… because that’s what the Na’vi wear, right?
In fact, any costume can be completed with a pair of heels. Your feet won’t hurt. You won’t be freezing at all. Nope. It’s going to be a good Halloween.
Yes, I find modern costumes silly. Meanwhile, I’d probably be laughed off the street for wearing armor and cosplay (which is tasteful and covers everything!). *sigh*